Archive for frustration

Fall Semester Classes- OPEN

The air is finally cooling off a little bit here in Florida.  How about you?  Are you enjoying the change of seasons?  But despite the break from the hot summer sun, the holiday season can be a tough one for moms.  Not only are we busier than ever, but the pressure to make everyone else happy is heightened and it can leave us lacking for time, energy and patience.Although we all desire a ‘picture perfect’ family (and are eager to send cards showing everyone our happiness), behind closed doors we might be a little more stressed than we allow others (except our children) to see.So if you are feeling overwhelmed, if you are dreading the next few months or if you just want to find a better way to not only cope, but breeze through this time of year with a smile on your face, then you are reading the right email!

Give yourself the gift of education.  Our two University of Moms signature courses, led by me, are about to launch LIVE in just a few weeks.  They are aptly named Self-Care for Moms 101 and STOP Reacting 101 and in them I share the nitty gritty details of how I went from a stressed-out and unhappy mom (who yelled a lot) to a mom who is now calm, happy and patient.

Here is what one mom had to say who took both courses.  And check it out, she is a parent educator and and early intervention specialist!  Who would have thought she needed this course?  But she did!I originally decided to take the sample class because I thought It would be interesting and I could possibly use it to count for my job as a parent educator/ early intervention specialist for some continuing Ed classes. While taking the class I realized it was a blessing that it fell into my lap. I have 3 small children and the perfect life I had always dreamed of. Why then was our family full of so much yelling and reacting. Why did I feel out out control and not supported. Through April’s classes and incredibly supportive coaching I was able to dig deeper and realize I wasn’t taking care Of myself.  The stop reacting class was so wonderful for myself and my whole family. This class went above and beyond my expectations. April is a gifted life coach and the class and her coaching have truly been life changing for everyone in my family. ~Dana M., Family Counselor, NC
Each course is 4 weeks long and costs only $39.
Or take both classes for just $69 and get my book Ride the Wave: Journey to Peaceful Living free!
Click the images below to read the course descriptions.
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So skip the new shoes or the monthly pedicure and invest in yourself.  Learn something new and then do something different and I guarantee you WILL get different results.  Like more peace in your house, less stress and rushing and a richer, deeper appreciation for yourself as a mother and a woman.If you can’t join us at the LIVE times as posted don’t worry.   The classes will be recorded and provided to you each week by email so you can listen in when it works best for you.  All live class options include a private Facebook group for support (optional) where you can ask questions and meet new mommy friends too.For the small amount of time and money required to participate, you will reap great rewards that will make your life happier.  You’re children will learn, from you, how to be proactive in life, not a victim, they’ll learn how to find constructive solutions to life’s challenges and how to manage their emotions with ease.

All of this is possible…and more!  How do I know?  Because my house is DIFFERENT than it was just 5 years ago.  It’s quiet.  It’s not stressful.  We look for answers together instead of pointing fingers at one another…and best of all I know how important it is to take charge of my own happiness. I’m not waiting around anymore for someone else to give it to me.  That is why I can honestly say…JOIN ME.  Let me show you how you can have all this too.

As always much love today and always.  Here’s to your peace.  Your happiness.  Your family.  Let it be a pillar for others to admire…all because you created it to be.

April O’Leary
Certified Life Coach
Founder of UofMoms.com
Proud Mother of 3Author of Ride the Wave: Journey to Peaceful Living
Co-Author of Focus on You: Your Needs Matter Too!
www.apriloleary.com and www.uofmoms.com
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Self-Care tips for Moms

I shared some info with my friends over at Just Between Friends that I thought you’d like to see.  It comes from experience and a lot of trial and error.  More error than success frankly.  So although I am not always a perfect example, I am learning each day how to make sure I take care of me, so that I can take care of others to a greater degree.

Click here and you’ll see my TOP 3 TIPS for moms on how to take better care of yourself, and find more happiness in the busy-ness of life.

If you enjoy it please sign up to get our FREE 4-lesson Video Course called “Find Time For You And Be Happier Too!” these tips and more are shared along with exercises to help you uncover areas where you are getting stuck and how you can overcome some of these common self-care sabotage mindsets.

Get Your Free Video e-Course Here

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Lots of love!!

 April O’Leary, Life Coach
Founder of the University of Moms
Creator of the Happy Mom Conference

Author of Ride the Wave and Focus on You
Proud mother of 3 girls

 

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Free Happy Mom Resources

Finishing School

I am happy to share the new University of Moms Finishing School: Free Download page with you!  In it you’ll find lots of audio lessons, workbooks I’ve created over time, interviews and articles to help you on your journey towards greater peace and happiness as a mom.  There is no better place to be than when you are content with where you are at in life, you are in control of your emotions and you have enough time for you.  Trust me!

All of this material was learned the hard way, in the trenches being an at-home mother of 3 kids under the age of 5…by doing what didn’t work first.  As I got some outside help in the form of 8 weeks of therapy back in 2008 I learned that it is not selfish to take care of yourself.  Why hadn’t anyone taught me that before?!

So use these lessons as a lighthouse shining you towards the bay of peace.  You may be experiencing some rough waters now, but if you put what you learn into practice the waters will slowly calm down, your ride will become easier and the sun will start shining.  Enjoy the ride!

To get the whole library of goodies Click Here.  No email required, just my gift to you!

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The Mommy Business Trip…and You Don’t Have to Have a Business to Take One!

I have neglected my blog for a while now, not because I don’t have anything to say, but simply because I don’t make the time to write.  So I have decided to make a change for the better.  Since I have now gotten the I’s dotted and the t’s crossed with the HappyMomConference.com site and have launched ticket sales I thought it would be fun (for me anyways) to chronicle this journey.

So here is the honest truth.  I am totally inspired, totally exhausted, totally grateful and totally overwhelmed with the enormity of what I am taking on.  But as Napoleon Hill says in “Think and Grow Rich” (paraphrased from memory) your IDEAS are what make you rich.  Not that I am looking for riches, sure it would be great to have them, but I feel blessed already to have been given an IDEA that inspires me.

This work keeps me up at night.  It is all I talk about during the day.  It is all I can think about.  I picture you coming to the conference and me hugging you as you walk in.  A sigh of relief from hundreds of moms, needing a break, and it has finally come in the form of this conference.  This time is meant solely to focus on who THEY are, not their role of ‘mommy,’ but allowing the person that is them to emerge once more.

I know this, because I was there not 20 years ago (ok I would have only been 15 then, but you get the point).  I was in that overwhelmed, frustrated, trapped and exhausted state just 6 years ago.  My youngest is 6, so that is about when I crashed.  Taking little to no time for yourself for 6 years can take a toll let me tell you!  But it was that damn guilt that had me trapped….

I do digress.  So I remember wishing I could have a surgery of some sort just so I could have a night alone.  That is called desperation my friends.  And it doesn’t have to be this way, but I made it that way for me.  So this is why THIS conference is my gift to moms everywhere.  It is my way of saying, “Please, don’t wish for a surgery.  That wouldn’t be fun now, would it?  Here is a great excuse to get away.  I have created the ‘excuse’ you are looking for because it’s not just being selfish you want to get away, is it?  No.  You want to better yourself.  Listen to inspiring speakers.  Refill your tank.  So YOU can BE a better mom.”

When I was at my wit’s end I suffered day-to-day struggles with my emotions, often taking them out on my kids.  I’m not proud of that.  But it’s the honest to goodness truth.  So if you’re yelling, slow down and take a look.  If you’re frustrated or tired, slow down and take a look.  If you feel resentment building in your marriage, slow down and take a look.

Look at what?  Is the reason you’re yelling, frustrated, tired or resentful because you just haven’t done a good job at taking care of yourself.  Truly.  When was the last time you got a legitimate break?  I don’t mean an hour to grocery shop alone.  I mean a night off.  A weekend off.  It is NOT selfish…I would argue that it is NECESSARY.

Ask yourself, “Is it reasonable that someone could operate in any job 24/7 indefinitely and not get worn-out?” Hello.  Of course not!  So why do we expect that of ourselves?  Stop arguing with me, I have been there, I had to overcome the guilt too, and I had to realize the guilt was unhealthy because I was not doing anything wrong when I took some time away.

So now I am breathing easier.  I am happier.  I am less stressed.  Yes, I am still super busy, but I am busy because I choose to be busy doing the things I love.  And hoping that you will do the same too.

If you want to read a little bit about some moms who also have taken a break, check out this recent article from the Wall Street Journal.  It’s all about a “Mommy Business Trip” and how moms are jumping on board with this idea that they need a break too.

So if any of this has resonated with you, join me at the Happy Mom Conference.  I’d love to give you a hug and welcome you to the tribe of moms who are happy because they know that to serve others gladly they first have to fill their tank!

Here’s the article and thanks to Diana Towsley for finding it for me.  I loved it!  The Mommy Business Trip

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Stop Reacting, Mom!

If you were on our free call yesterday for Fun Friday you’ll remember me mentioning about RFA’s, which are Red Flag Alerts.  Here is my own personal story with RFA’s that I thought you might enjoy reading.

I am not endorsing Christianity or any other religion, but this was my experience, which is a common message taught to women whether through religion, culture or media.  Luckily that’s changing somewhat today, but I think you’ll get the point from my specific story and be able to apply it to your unique situation.   Especially if you find you’re frequently putting your needs behind everyone else’s.

When I was a child I was taught a song in Sunday School that went something like this:

Jesus and others and you
What a wonderful way to spell joy
Jesus and others and you
in the life of each girl and each boy
“J” is for Jesus for He has first place,
“O” is for others you meet face to face,
“Y” is for you, in whatever you do,
Put your self third and spell JOY.

I remember patiently raising my hand silently hoping to get picked to hold one of the J-O-Y cardboard squares at the front of the class.  I learned to put myself last at a very early age, and that is what I believed for years.  Indeed I even found a blog that still promotes this way of thinking, (which is how I found the lyrics to that song of old as well).

But fast forward a few years.  Being a young mother with three children and this mentality became a problem for me.  Why?  Because the endless list of the needs of others never ends.  Whether it’s tying shoes, making sippy cups, changing diapers, cleaning up messes, making dinner or doing laundry, these “O”thers take over.  And the result for me became anger, frustration and resentment.

Now what is a woman to do who is supposed to be experiencing JOY by serving others, and isn’t?  For one thing I felt guilty.  Not only were the negative emotions confusing to me they were not okay in my opinion.  So I tried harder.  I felt like a terrible person for not feeling joy in serving others.  And the cycle of anger, frustration, guilt and resentment continued.

This describes many women, and certainly describes what I experienced as an at-home mother those years ago.  I was giving and doing until there was nothing left.  I was breathing out in service to others in  but was not breathing in to serve myself.  If you’ve ever traveled by airplane you know the gig, “Put your mask on first…then help others.”  Well it makes sense in the physical world, but why doesn’t it make sense in the emotional, non-physical world?  Hello, it does!

So this is where the shift comes in.  I call these emotional bumps in the road RFA which simply means a Red Flags Alert.  The story of Mary and Martha illustrates it beautifully.  Here is the quick story for those of you who aren’t familiar with it from the New Testament book of Luke, Chapter 10.

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”  41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I hated this story because I was Martha.  I couldn’t understand why Mary was getting the validation and here was Martha working her tail off to help serve the crowd.  Martha was serving others, and Mary was not.  Martha was busy, helping, serving to make sure everyone else’s needs were met.  Mary was sitting down taking it all in.

What had Mary chosen that Martha had not?  Mary chose to take care of herself first.  She wasn’t worried about everyone else.  She wasn’t putting everyone else before her.  If that would have been the ‘right’ way to do things certainly Jesus would have said, “Yes, Mary, get up and help your sister Martha,” but He didn’t.

And how do we know Martha had not chosen properly, her emotions were telling her so…she was getting an RFA (remember a “Red Flags Alert”)!   It says she was distracted by all the preparations and shouted out (at Jesus!) “Don’t you care…!”  It says she was worried and upset about many things.  I can picture her rushing around, complaining playing the ‘it’s not fair’ card.  Maybe she was thinking, “Sure, as usual, I invite the crowd in and no one helps me.  No one ever helps me.  I guess I’ll just have to do this all myself.  Mary is so self-centered…look at her just sitting there…while I rush around and make sure everyone else  is ok….Typical!”

How often do we do this to others?  We want people to notice all we’re doing and when they don’t we get upset.  We want others to change, to help us more, but the only one we can change is ourselves.  This is what Martha didn’t understand.  And how you know you have crossed that fine line over from serving into sacrifice is…notice your emotions and see if you are getting an RFA!

So the moral to the story is:

1)  Serving others is noble to the degree you can do it with a happy heart.

2)  Once your emotions become negative or you start to resent others, think life is unfair or feel distracted by all that life has for you to ‘do’ take notice.  This is your RFA!

3)  Make corrections to your RFA by stepping back and taking care of you first.  Service with a sour attitude benefits no one.

So go ahead.  Be Mary and take care of yourself first.  All that others stuff can wait.  That is choosing the better part and it won’t be taken from you.  If this is you won’t you consider taking action and doing something for you today!  If you haven’t already join uofmoms.com FREE and start putting yourself back on the priority list.  🙂

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